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Write an Email prompt

Part-time position inquiry

Every scored sample answer Reach120 publishes for this prompt, banded so you can see the range rather than one version of "good".

3 sample answersGeneral

The prompt

As it appears in practice

A local bookstore has posted a sign looking for part-time help on weekends. You are a student who loves reading and wants to gain work experience.

What the response has to do

  • Express your interest in the position.
  • Briefly describe your relevant experience or skills.
  • Ask about the application process and schedule.

Sample answers, by band

3 published

Reach120 practice band estimate — not an official ETS score How we estimate

Middle response

Band 4.53.5/5 rubric
To
manager@citybookstore.com
Subject
Part-time position inquiry
Dear manager, I hope this email finds you well. My name is [name withheld]. I am writing to inquire about part-time job offer. I recently noticed a posted sigh looking for part-time help on weekend. I am very interested in this offer because I have a strong passion for literature, having read books all day during my childhood. Additionally, I worked at a convenience store for two years, so I can use a cashier well. I am eager to contribute to your bookstore. I would greatly appreciate it if you could inform the applicant about the application process and shedule. My pshone number is 111-111-111. Your assistence in this matter would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response at your earliest convenient. Best regards, [name withheld]
Read the full feedback on this answer

Middle response

Band 4.53.5/5 rubric
To
manager@citybookstore.com
Subject
Part-time position inquiry
To whom it may concern, My name is [name withheld] Manzo and I am a undergrad student at the Columbia University. I am emailing you about the sign that you posted of part-time job on weekends and I want show my interest in the position. I do not have much work experience, but I would love to build one. I am passionate about literature and novels, I love reading and talk to people, I have a good knowledge in terms of authors and I like sharing with costumers my tastes and getting to know about theirs, so I think I could be a good fit for the job. Would you please be so kind and tell me about the application process and give me a bit of more information regarding the schedule? I would be very grateful, if you would consider me for the job. Looking forward to hearing from you. If you have any questions , please do not hesitate to contact me. Best regards, [name withheld]

What worked

  • Expresses interest in the position
  • Describes relevant skills
  • Polite request for information

What cost points

  • Grammatical errors
  • Lack of syntactic variety
Read the full feedback on this answer

Middle response

Band 4.53.5/5 rubric
To
manager@citybookstore.com
Subject
Part-time position inquiry
I am writing this email regarding the new position in your bookstore. I would like to inform you that I am really interested in this part time job. I have been a client for 4 years, and I would like to help you in your duties. I am studying Languages, and I love reading during the day. Furthermore, I have experience, because I have worked in the campus library in summers. Also, I got some recommendation letters from my last jobs. Finally, I would like to ask you for more details about the process, and what are the schedules for this new role? Thank you so much for your dedication and time. Sincerely [name withheld]

What worked

  • Expresses interest clearly
  • Relevant experience mentioned
  • Polite tone

What cost points

  • Lack of elaboration on skills
  • Unclear question about the application process
Read the full feedback on this answer

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