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Write an Email prompt

Incorrect Laptop Model Received

Every scored sample answer Reach120 publishes for this prompt, banded so you can see the range rather than one version of "good".

3 sample answersComplaint

The prompt

As it appears in practice

You recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store, but you received a different model than the one you ordered. You need to contact the store to resolve this issue.

What the response has to do

  • Explain the discrepancy between the ordered and received laptop models
  • Request instructions for returning the incorrect item
  • Inquire about the process and timeline for receiving the correct model

Written to: customer-service

Sample answers, by band

3 published

Reach120 practice band estimate — not an official ETS score How we estimate

Strong response

Band 5.04.0/5 rubric
To
support@electrostore.com
Subject
Incorrect Laptop Model Received
Dear Support Electrostore, I hope you are doing well, and I apologize for disturbing you. Recently, I bought a laptop from your website, but I got a different version. I chose the new type, and I obtained the version of last year. My order number is 123456. Therefore, I would like to change this computer, because I paid for a better version. Could you give me more information about the process and timeline for receiving the correct type? How do I make the exchange? Thank you for your time and attention. Best Regards, [name withheld]
Read the full feedback on this answer

Strong response

Band 5.04.0/5 rubric
To
support@electrostore.com
Subject
Incorrect Laptop Model Received
Dear support team I hope this email finds you well. My name is [name withheld]. I am writhing to ask about online electronics store. I recently purchased a laptop from an online electronics store, but I received a different model than the one I ordered. I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide instructions for returning the incorrect item. In addition, I would like to inquire about the process and timeline for receiving the correct model. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response at your earliest convenience. Best regards, [name withheld]

What worked

  • Clear purpose
  • Polite tone
  • Request for instructions

What cost points

  • Spelling error
  • Missing article
Read the full feedback on this answer

Middle response

Band 4.03.0/5 rubric
To
support@electrostore.com
Subject
Incorrect Laptop Model Received
Dear Support Electrostore, I hope you are doing well, and I apologize for disturbing you. Recently, I bought a laptop from your website, but I received a different model. I chosed the new model, and I received the model of last year. My number order is 123456. Therefore, I would like change this computer, because I payed for a better model. Could you give me more informations about the process and timeline for receiving the correct model ? How do I make the exchange? Thank you for your time and attention. Best Regards, [name withheld].

What worked

  • Clear Purpose
  • Order Information Provided
  • Polite Tone

What cost points

  • Verb Form Error
  • Article Usage
Read the full feedback on this answer

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